Love You.

“Look at our relationship, we are great, I love spending every second I can with you, sharing everything about my life with you, and including you in every part of what I do. I trust you fully, and have right from the very start, which is more than can be said for almost anyone. I don’t have that, and haven’t had that, with anybody else. There is nothing to be confused about. I know how much you care about me, I have known that for a long time, and I am not questioning it at all. And I would never hurt you. And it hurts my feelings that I have made you even think about being hurt. There is nothing to be confused about, nothing that needs to make this hard. I put just as much energy into you as I do into my own life, and that is how I like it, and that is how I want it. That is how it has been for a long time, and nothing that has happened recently has done anything to change that. And I would hope you feel the same, well I actually know you feel the same, and I dont see any reason for you to start questioning us now, and if you don't want to think about us not together, then dont, I cant understand why you are. I do not play for fun, I play for keeps, and I have not once put something into this relationship that had any backing in something temporary.”

I have to cover my eyes.

All in one.
You liked to play pretend.
Got caught up in drama and feelings that weren't yours or real.
And I feel bad for you now because I've since been in your shoes.
Because now I understand.

There is one difference.

You will always be right there.
Waiting, wishing, watching, worrying.
Always.
One word, that's all it would take for one year.
Three words for a lifetime.
You let go first.
You held on the longest.
Your fault. My fault.

So Foolish.

I could have done it so many times now. So many opportunities. So many perfect and silent opportunities. Why can't I just do it? Why is it so hard? Is it supposed to be easy? I don't know the answers, I suppose. I asked for advice and I got it... I just don't know. I've never known about this and right now it's scary. I think about it all the time. I think about how and when and why or why not. I think about how perfect it could be or how it shouldn't be perfect or planned out at all. With this much thought it's got to be real, right? I know the answer to that. Sooner or later. I don't stick to plans so I won't plan on soon. I do hope for it, though.

I will be happy when that day comes. ....I'm telling myself I will be and that it will be okay. More than okay.

Drag it up.

Let's start something and not finish it. Okay, story of my life. One of these days, right? I should really start writing in this again. I really don't have a legitimate reason not to. We'll see how it goes.
I can never really find anything to talk about. Maybe because this isn't livejournal and I'm not 17 anymore.
Or I can never get too personal on these... because this isn't livejournal and I'm not 17 anymore.
We'll see how it goes.

I will say this. ....No. No, I won't.
This is what I do at work.

i really see you upside down.